Greetings, all! Sorry for the brief disappearance, but life got a little in the way! I've been kind of busy (I had a birthday yesterday!), but I'm back with a vengeance!
Today, I want to talk about something that I think has a large effect on the dating community: alcohol.
Picture the scenario: You're at the bar. It's been a long day of work, or you're just out enjoying the evening. You may or may not be looking to meet someone, you may or may not be single, attached to someone, etc. You've had a few beers, a couple glasses of wine, some martinis, whatever. Ladies, perhaps some guy has come up to you and offered to buy you a drink... or two... or three... or four? Fellas, perhaps you just decided to buy a drink... or two... or three... or four? And either way, you end up chatting it up with someone else sitting or standing beside you. Maybe you came in with them, maybe you just decided you'd be friendly and meet someone new.
The drink relaxes you. It makes you settle, open up more than you probably would when completely sober. You might start to share things, you might feel much more comfortable than you might have initially. But alcohol can also be an aphrodisiac. It can induce lust in a lot of people, lust that might not usually happen in normal everyday situations. It's a chemical thing, science has proven it, and a lot of times it's the rush that comes from probably having a good time that creates heightened feelings of attraction and lust (this can also be induced without alcohol, but that's for a WHOLE other topic completely... maybe I'll write about it some other time).
Now, I drink. Normally I love I nice glass of wine or something after work. I'm not really a beer drinker, but I can definitely tolerate going out and having a beer with friends... it's a social thing. (Note~My preferred drink is actually Jack and Coke.) I don't ever get drunk when I'm out, though. But regardless, I've felt the personal effects of alcohol. And I've felt the effects when around someone of the opposite sex. So don't think that I'm just judging other people around me. We've all been there. And I'm going to be completely straightforward, alcohol makes me REALLY flirty. But luckily my morals and my brain can remain quite well enough intact to still establish right from wrong, and rather than give in to whatever my body may think it's feeling at that moment, I hold myself back and reserve any judgement for the next day.
I think that's the important thing. It's not necessarily that what you're feeling is wrong (though sometimes, to be honest, it is, and that's why its' even more important not to give in). However, with the lowered guard created by alcohol, you must beware of three things:
1) You're not taking advantage of someone who may be doing something that they otherwise wouldn't do.
2) You yourself are not falling prey to doing something that you wouldn't normally do.
3) You are not allowing either of the aforementioned items to happen to anyone that you may be with, especially if you're the sober one.*
(*Note~Number 3, I believe, is the most important. Whereas the alcohol may make either person forget the first two, you will still have the memory of anything that may happen.)
What effect does this have on the dating community, you ask? People going out to bars just looking for hookups can affect other singles out there looking to meet people. I don't believe in "casual sex." Even if you don't know or remember their names, every person takes a little piece of you with them.
But especially when dating seriously, it's important to recognize the difference between alcohol-induced lust and an actual, real attraction to someone.The former is fleeting and will leave your system with the alcohol. The latter is something real and to be treasured. I'm not saying that alcohol can't increase your pre-existing attraction to someone. I'm just saying you have to be well aware of which it is: alcohol-induced infatuation or or an increased awareness of your true affection for someone.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
An Ode to Chili's
Okay, so... not really an "ode," but I've come to learn something quite swell about Chili's: it is a great first... whatever place for two people casually looking to get to know each other better.
I was out with a female acquaintance last night, and we met at Chili's. Not a date (though after last night, I wouldn't be opposed to one in the future... but that's for another time), just two friends looking to chat and get to know each other better. But Chili's is a fantastic place to for a very low-pressure, comfortable environment in which to get to know someone better that you might not know very well. And now I'm going to list the reasons why.
1) It's very casual. No pressure to look your absolute best. The environment is generally friendly. All sorts of people go there, so it doesn't feel like you're really being heavily judged by others in the restaurant. It's just a great place to go to keep things casual and fun.
2) There's something for everyone. I like Chili's a lot because it's just a good old-fashioned mixture of American foods, so pretty much anyone can find something that they like there. I love Asian cuisine personally, but being "adventurous" is best saved for a second date.With Chili's, I know that 99 percent of the time, I won't be sitting there enjoying myself while the other person is cringing because they were just doing their best to "order safe," yet still not really enjoying the meal.
3) It's inexpensive. Now, I'm certainly not hurting for funds. My job is pretty lucrative, and I could take a woman to a "higher class," so to speak, restaurant, but for those who are little less fortunate, yet still want to be the one to pay for the meal, you can feel pretty safe knowing that the average cost for a two-person meal is around $30. And quite enjoyable food, too.
4) You can't argue that Margarita Madness month is fantastic. Enjoy great conversation over margaritas? What's not to love? Not to mention having a drink or two in the system makes you both a bit looser and more relaxed, easing any potential tension out of most situations.
So overall, I'm not saying that Chili's is absolutely perfect. After all, to each his/her own. But I think it's a great place for a first date, or first outing, whatever you choose to call it, between two people. Get to know each other in a casual environment over good food and great drinks, enjoy each others' company, and then you can think about being more exotic or adventurous on the second date/outing/etc.
Until next time!
I was out with a female acquaintance last night, and we met at Chili's. Not a date (though after last night, I wouldn't be opposed to one in the future... but that's for another time), just two friends looking to chat and get to know each other better. But Chili's is a fantastic place to for a very low-pressure, comfortable environment in which to get to know someone better that you might not know very well. And now I'm going to list the reasons why.
1) It's very casual. No pressure to look your absolute best. The environment is generally friendly. All sorts of people go there, so it doesn't feel like you're really being heavily judged by others in the restaurant. It's just a great place to go to keep things casual and fun.
2) There's something for everyone. I like Chili's a lot because it's just a good old-fashioned mixture of American foods, so pretty much anyone can find something that they like there. I love Asian cuisine personally, but being "adventurous" is best saved for a second date.With Chili's, I know that 99 percent of the time, I won't be sitting there enjoying myself while the other person is cringing because they were just doing their best to "order safe," yet still not really enjoying the meal.
3) It's inexpensive. Now, I'm certainly not hurting for funds. My job is pretty lucrative, and I could take a woman to a "higher class," so to speak, restaurant, but for those who are little less fortunate, yet still want to be the one to pay for the meal, you can feel pretty safe knowing that the average cost for a two-person meal is around $30. And quite enjoyable food, too.
4) You can't argue that Margarita Madness month is fantastic. Enjoy great conversation over margaritas? What's not to love? Not to mention having a drink or two in the system makes you both a bit looser and more relaxed, easing any potential tension out of most situations.
So overall, I'm not saying that Chili's is absolutely perfect. After all, to each his/her own. But I think it's a great place for a first date, or first outing, whatever you choose to call it, between two people. Get to know each other in a casual environment over good food and great drinks, enjoy each others' company, and then you can think about being more exotic or adventurous on the second date/outing/etc.
Until next time!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Is Loving a Learned Behavior?
It's a pretty simple question: Is our ability to love affect by how we were raised? Is it affected by our parents/parental figures, who generally tend to have the largest affect on our lives? Or the relationships other people have around us?
It's not something I've ever really talked about much, but I'm going to get pretty personal here. My life growing up was pretty interesting. My parents got divorced back when I was very young... I believe I was about 4. I barely have any memories of all three of us living under one roof. As such, I never really had the two-parent household structure that... is actually become less and less typical these days. But that's for another blog.
I grew up seeing both of parents go through several different relationships. I watched my father date several different women throughout my life. I watched my mom date a few different guys. I was a groomsman at my father's wedding when he remarried in 2006. So forth and so on, you get my picture. In short, I never saw what the whole "two people who have committed to loving each other for the rest of their lives" situation really looks like.
And I know better than to use TV and movies as an example of that. Anybody can read lines from a script. Art imitates life, but it's still just an imitation.
I'd like to think I can grow up to be different than my parents. When I marry... if I marry... I want to only marry once. I want to find that special woman, and I want her to be the one. But now I wonder... if I find her, will I be able to hold on to her? Have my relationships failed because I don't know how to properly love anyone? Is that why I'm still single?
And when will I stop questioning why I'm single?
We live in an age where the media tells us that we all have to live fast and die young. Hence the steady rise in the number of singles under 30 in the 21st century. This has only been glorified with shows like Sex and the City, Entourage, The Bachelor(ette), and so on. We're evidently "supposed" to be going out, clubbing, living life, dating/sleeping around, etc etc. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but it sure does make it hard to find something serious when everyone around you just wants to have fun. But what does it matter if I find her and she slips away because I don't know how to love?
How can I unlearn what I've been seeing my entire life? Oh well, life goes on, right?
It's not something I've ever really talked about much, but I'm going to get pretty personal here. My life growing up was pretty interesting. My parents got divorced back when I was very young... I believe I was about 4. I barely have any memories of all three of us living under one roof. As such, I never really had the two-parent household structure that... is actually become less and less typical these days. But that's for another blog.
I grew up seeing both of parents go through several different relationships. I watched my father date several different women throughout my life. I watched my mom date a few different guys. I was a groomsman at my father's wedding when he remarried in 2006. So forth and so on, you get my picture. In short, I never saw what the whole "two people who have committed to loving each other for the rest of their lives" situation really looks like.
And I know better than to use TV and movies as an example of that. Anybody can read lines from a script. Art imitates life, but it's still just an imitation.
I'd like to think I can grow up to be different than my parents. When I marry... if I marry... I want to only marry once. I want to find that special woman, and I want her to be the one. But now I wonder... if I find her, will I be able to hold on to her? Have my relationships failed because I don't know how to properly love anyone? Is that why I'm still single?
And when will I stop questioning why I'm single?
We live in an age where the media tells us that we all have to live fast and die young. Hence the steady rise in the number of singles under 30 in the 21st century. This has only been glorified with shows like Sex and the City, Entourage, The Bachelor(ette), and so on. We're evidently "supposed" to be going out, clubbing, living life, dating/sleeping around, etc etc. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but it sure does make it hard to find something serious when everyone around you just wants to have fun. But what does it matter if I find her and she slips away because I don't know how to love?
How can I unlearn what I've been seeing my entire life? Oh well, life goes on, right?
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Dating and Age range?
So this blog's topic is about age ranges and dating. I've met women in the past who I've chatted with, it seems like we'll click, but when they find out how old I am, they'll withdraw and suddenly become less interested. I have to wonder why this is. I've been rejected by 26 year-olds based on age. That's a THREE-YEAR age difference. Less than that if they just turned 26 this year, since I'll be turning 24 in a week and a half. So I have to wonder what the deal is.
I wouldn't say that I personally have much of a tight age range. I'd prefer a woman who's at least 21 probably, since it's always nice going out for a glass of wine or drinks together, but that's not really a necessity as long as we have fun. I would date upwards of about 10 years older than me (and I have... the oldest woman I've ever dated was 10 years older than me). Of course, I'd probably have to say 35/36 and over falls well out of my age range. I think the gap is really just too wide for it to reasonably work. But I'd expect that would change as I get older. But we'll cross that bridge once we get there. Besides, Ashton and Demi seem to be working out well enough... but I digest.
It's funny, women always seem to want older guys, and regardless of the type of person you are, if you're not AT LEAST their age (and often, even that isn't enough), they're just not interested. Like I mentioned before, the oldest woman I've dated is a whole 10 years older than me. And our thing worked out pretty well for some time. We're still good friends, and we still talk on a pretty regular basis. Yet a 25 year-old will still pass on me just because I fall out of her age range. We're in the same generation, no? So why is it such a huge deal?
Perhaps it is that older guys are implied to have their lives more together than us younger men? I've met 30 year-olds who still act like they're living out their wild college days, so that can't always be true. I'm working towards my career, it's a process, but I know it will pay off in the end. Maybe it's that they're afraid of being judged by their family and friends for dating a younger guy? Or maybe men and women are just so different that we'll never truly understand each others' motivations?
Hmm... what do you all think?
I wouldn't say that I personally have much of a tight age range. I'd prefer a woman who's at least 21 probably, since it's always nice going out for a glass of wine or drinks together, but that's not really a necessity as long as we have fun. I would date upwards of about 10 years older than me (and I have... the oldest woman I've ever dated was 10 years older than me). Of course, I'd probably have to say 35/36 and over falls well out of my age range. I think the gap is really just too wide for it to reasonably work. But I'd expect that would change as I get older. But we'll cross that bridge once we get there. Besides, Ashton and Demi seem to be working out well enough... but I digest.
It's funny, women always seem to want older guys, and regardless of the type of person you are, if you're not AT LEAST their age (and often, even that isn't enough), they're just not interested. Like I mentioned before, the oldest woman I've dated is a whole 10 years older than me. And our thing worked out pretty well for some time. We're still good friends, and we still talk on a pretty regular basis. Yet a 25 year-old will still pass on me just because I fall out of her age range. We're in the same generation, no? So why is it such a huge deal?
Perhaps it is that older guys are implied to have their lives more together than us younger men? I've met 30 year-olds who still act like they're living out their wild college days, so that can't always be true. I'm working towards my career, it's a process, but I know it will pay off in the end. Maybe it's that they're afraid of being judged by their family and friends for dating a younger guy? Or maybe men and women are just so different that we'll never truly understand each others' motivations?
Hmm... what do you all think?
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Welcome to my blog!
Hello there followers! (Of which there are, admittedly, none, and I do suspect it will remain that way for quite some time... but let's pretend otherwise for now.)
Why have I started this blog, you ask? Well it's a pretty complex simple answer. I am a young, single, African American living in the DC area. So after an ambiguous several months of dating mishaps, ups and downs, rejections, crazies, and everything in between, I find myself sitting here, wondering what's going on? I'm a young, mildly entertaining, artsy, friendly, moderately attractive guy with a good head on his shoulders. Is there something wrong with me, and that's why I can't find a woman? Or is there something wrong with everyone else? Or maybe it's both? Who knows?
Well either way, I've decided not to concern myself with the how and why any longer. After all, I'm still young. Like they say, I have my whole life ahead of me, right? So instead of sitting here wondering why women just don't seem to be interested in my as a potential partner, I've decided to embrace the single life. The DC singles scene is too hip and lively not to embrace it. And I'm going to share my experiences with all of you. Hence the blog.
I suspect the next few months will be filled with several ups and downs, dating mishaps, crazies... so... more of the same. Except I'll turn them into interesting, yet true, stories for you to read. What could go wrong?
Famous last words.
Why have I started this blog, you ask? Well it's a pretty complex simple answer. I am a young, single, African American living in the DC area. So after an ambiguous several months of dating mishaps, ups and downs, rejections, crazies, and everything in between, I find myself sitting here, wondering what's going on? I'm a young, mildly entertaining, artsy, friendly, moderately attractive guy with a good head on his shoulders. Is there something wrong with me, and that's why I can't find a woman? Or is there something wrong with everyone else? Or maybe it's both? Who knows?
Well either way, I've decided not to concern myself with the how and why any longer. After all, I'm still young. Like they say, I have my whole life ahead of me, right? So instead of sitting here wondering why women just don't seem to be interested in my as a potential partner, I've decided to embrace the single life. The DC singles scene is too hip and lively not to embrace it. And I'm going to share my experiences with all of you. Hence the blog.
I suspect the next few months will be filled with several ups and downs, dating mishaps, crazies... so... more of the same. Except I'll turn them into interesting, yet true, stories for you to read. What could go wrong?
Famous last words.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)