Fear of Love? Fear of Commitment?

Greetings all! Let's have a chat today about another topic: Fear.

The most common things we hear about as to why we're still single is fear. The most common fear? Fear of commitment. Your man or woman doesn't want to commit to you because they don't want to be tied down. They're afraid of missing out on life, opportunities, and all the like. You know. We've all seen it, so it's a very valid thing. But I think there's another fear that a lot of people tend to overlook.

Fear of falling in love itself.

I tend to suffer from this affliction. Love, real and true love, is a very frightening thing. It's like giving someone the key to your several hundred-thousand dollar car, and then trusting them to take it on a road trip across the country for a month without something bad happening to it. And in love's case, substitute "several hundred-thousand dollar car" with "heart." That's probably even looking at it lightly, too. Love is a very powerful thing, and someone who knows and understands that can understandably be quite frightened.

Just to give you a small personal example, I also suffer from what I like to call "ITA" syndrome.

"I'm"
"Too"
"Average"

At least, I often think this. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of confidence, and I think I look... okay. But a part of me deep down still has those insecurities about not being good enough for a woman. If I get into a relationship and we get close, intimate, or what have you, she may still end up finding and falling for someone better, leaving me high and dry after we've become so close.

I believe this is a fear that a lot of people have experienced, whether they know it or not. And I think it is keeping a lot of singles, well... single. We're not afraid of commitment. In fact, we're ready for commitment, because we understand exactly what it entails. We're just afraid of giving someone that power to hurt us. The power to basically break us with a single sentence.

I guess the only solution is to just take a risk. Put yourselves out there. And if you get hurt, well then... I guess you just have to remember that's life. Live, move forward, try to stay strong. And remember that, hopefully, you have your friends and/or family to lean on for support. It's okay, that's what they are there for.

"Love isn't about playing it safe. It's about risks. Unless you're willing to put yourself out there, you'll never know."

It's All About Code

Greetings followers! Today, let's talk about something that affects us all in the dating world: CODE. The unspoken language beneath the words that men and women say to each other. You all know what I'm talking about.

You're chatting with a friend or a date. And one of you wants to advance the relationship beyond just a friendly acquaintance or courtship. I'm certainly no stranger to most of these. Here are a few key terms and phrases to be on the lookout for:

"Tell me about your love life." - Most often used by males. This sentence is used for multiple purposes. For starters, it's used to find out if you're single, dating someone, in a relationship, recently out of a relationship, etc., without coming right out and asking it directly. It's also used to evaluate the likelihood of the potential for the two of you to end up in a relationship. It helps find out if she's open to dating, possibly what kinds of guys she's attracted to, if she's carrying any emotional baggage, and so forth. I've definitely been guilty of using this one more often I feel comfortable admitting.

"The problem is you've been dating boys/girls and need to move on to a MAN/WOMAN." - Used by both sexes. It's definitely a bit more direct, especially when adding the playful and overtly flirtatious "like me" to the end of the sentence, though the point can still across just as well without it. The real meaning" The use of this phrase is implying that either they are of a superior type to any previous exes, or at the very least that they are better or won't hurt you for whatever reason.

"I've always thought you were special..." - Again used by both sexes, but more commonly men. The code here is an easy one to figure out: they've liked from the moment they laid eyes on you. A relationship with you may or may not have been the goal from the very start, but being with you in some way was definitely on their mind right off the bat.

"You're beautiful." - Used by men. With this one, tone is important. Saying this in a passing way means "I just want to comfort you so you're not upset." But putting actual emotion behind it means the man recognizes the woman has a natural beauty. This is probably the highest compliment a man can give a woman.

"You're absolutely gorgeous." - Used by men. Pretty straightforward: you're incredibly physically appealing, and they've fantasized about having sex with you at least once, and it was a pleasing thought.

"You're (totally/really/insert synonym here) sexy." - Used by both sexes. Again straightforward: they would definitely have sex with you, relationship or not. That's not to say that it is going to definitely happen, but if the proper opportunity was there, it would happen.

"I don't want to mess up our great friendship." - Contrary to popular belief, this one is also used by both sexes, not just strictly women. When this response is pulled out, BEWARE. It means basically means you may have appealing qualities to the person, but they don't likely feel a physical attraction to you or the chemistry just isn't there for them. Basically, they could never see themselves dating you, but they want to spare your feelings.

"You're not my type." - Both sexes. Another straightforward one: They're just not physically attracted you. Plain and simple, there's no physical appeal.

There's obviously a LOT more expressions that are used in the communication between people in the dating world. And that's only the things people say, not even touching the physical codes that can mean a multitude of things. That's for a whole other topic entirely. Just remember, key to understanding the other person is in things like the eyes and the tone of voice. Looking you in the eyes is the most genuine form of expressing truth. It's all about learning to read people.

If nothing else, remember: In the dating world, it's all about code.