Greetings! Long time no updates, I know! But I'm back, and with another insight into the dating world.
Have you ever met out with that man or woman, you end up going on a date or two... you seem to think it may be going well, but then all of a sudden they're gone? Just... vanished without a trace, not answering calls, texts (or, let's be real, Facebook messages... you know what I'm saying). We've all been there. I know I have been there quite often. I've even been guilty of it once or twice myself. All of a sudden, the other person just goes "Poof!"
I recently read two articles off of the dating site eHarmony: "The Real Reasons Men go 'Poof'" by Grant Langston, and "The Real Reasons Women go 'Poof'" by Jeannie Assimos (In an interesting coincidence, the two articles are actually NOT written by the same author.) Both articles essentially "survey" the specific genders, and come up with lists of what the reasons are for "poofing." Before getting to my point, I think I'll list off the reasons from the article:
Women's Reasons:
1) She met someone better.
2) Too much invasion of personal space.
3) She's afraid he'll ask why (in essence, she doesn't want to explain why she's turned off).
4) He's boring.
5) Because he won't get it (basically she talk all she wants, but the guy will still be clueless).
6) He won't take it well (i.e., she's worried about his "psycho potential" or "flipping out capacity").
7) She can't deal with confrontation.
8) A bad first date (note: I personally hate this one because there are always so many factors that can affect the first date).
Men's Reasons:
1) They are emotional midgets (basically they lack the emotional maturity and vocabulary to explain why they aren't interested).
2) She seems slightly unhinged (re: "psycho potential").
3) He's been leading you on (he's not actually interested in love and a long-term interest, so when he feels "the talk" coming one, poof!).
4) Two dates isn't a relationship.
5) He doesn't want to destroy you with a personality critique (he cares about your self-esteem and doesn't want to sit there and list all of your faults).
6) The reason is too embarrassing and he's a bad liar (i.e., he's met 1) a more convenient woman, 2) a more sexually available woman, 3) a better-looking woman, 4) a woman his friends like more, all of which are embarrassing things to admit).
7) Neither he nor she wants to sit through that awkward "It's not you, it's me" conversation.
8) He has a misguided notion about modern dating (essentially, who wants to deal with all that old-fashioned junk, especially the "old-fashioned break-up talk"?).
9) He's scared of how great you are (anyone who manages to stir up real feelings causes him to bolt... it's a safety mechanism).
10) He's allowed to maintain the illusion that he's a nice person.
Most, if not all, of those reasons are perfectly valid and understandable reasons. But does that really make it right?At the very least, doesn't everyone deserve some sort of "Hey, I'm not interested in going any farther with this" explanation? Don't leave the other person hanging. It's probably the worst thing you can do when you're not interested. I'd rather have a woman tell me "I just don't find you appealing at all" than just leave me hanging out to dry with absolutely no reason at all. That's what hurts the most.
Look at all of the reasons listed above. They basically all come down to one thing: fear. "I'm afraid of something." I'm afraid of the the other person. I'm afraid of myself. I afraid what might happen. It goes on and on. But sometime you just have to face any fears you have head-on. Power through. It's okay to not be interested. But at least tell the other person why. You ay have to deal with someone like me who stupidly stubborn and persistent, but just talking to the other person, even hurting their feelings, is still better than just pulling a disappearing act.
Happy dating! *Poof!*
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